Little by little, you began to drop what you had been doing. You met fewer of your friends. You spent fewer hours on the hobbies that you had been so passionate about. You stopped some things that you had enjoyed, because your partner didn’t like them. You began some new things that you didn’t really enjoy, because your partner wanted you to do them together. Little by little, your lifestyle became something else. And as your lifestyle changed, your partner became more and more important in your life.

Then, a “problem” occurred in the relationship. Then another problem. Then another, and then another. Things seemed to go downhill. You felt panic, because the relationship was everything to you by that time. You desperately tried to save the relationship, but the more you tried, the worse the relationship became, and the more pain you had. You just couldn’t succeed in changing the downhill trend. The relationship ended sooner or later.

What went wrong?

You had lost “you” for the sake of the relationship, and most of the time, that was what went wrong.

Your partner had wanted you because of whom you had been, and you were becoming a different person than the one whom your partner had fallen in love with.

As you lose yourself in the relationship, there appears a void inside you, and it will be filled by your partner. As your inside is more filled by your partner, you will become a more different person. Also, even a very small disturbance in the relationship will bring a “disaster” to your daily life. If this process happens in both of you, it is called a symbiotic relationship.

So many relationships broke up because of this. Are you familiar with this cycle?

1. Meet
2. Falling in love
3. Symbiotic relationship, giving up on many things
4. Break-up
5. Re-surfacing to be oneself

One of the keys to maintaining a healthy relationship is to keep your own identity. If you and a person cannot share a moment that both of you can enjoy without losing your own identities, then you and the person are simply not compatible. Astrology is a good tool to know more about this aspect of a relationship.

Going into a symbiotic relationship is tempting. There is a sweet taste in it, just like sugar. This is why most people take this route. However, as too much sugar harms your body, a symbiotic relationship will begin to erode you and your partner sooner or later.

A relationship will never be healthy and most likely end poorly if you lose yourself for the relationship.

If you are in a relationship, this principle will keep it healthy. If you want to have a relationship, having this principle in mind will actually bring a healthy relationship to you more quickly (there is another principle behind it, but this is for later).

Please think about this principle, and if you have any question, let me know by an email to rick@spiritualloveadvice.com. I will answer the question in the next newsletter.

Sincerely,
Rick

As I have stressed many times, the most important part of moving-on from a relationship is to release the, mostly negative, emotions from the past relationship. There are four steps of doing this, and these are:

1. Removing everything that can remind you of the person of the past relationship
2. Flushing out intense emotions
3. Releasing residual emotions
4. Having your own life

Remove everything that can remind you of the person of the past relationship

When you break up from a serious relationship, anything or anyone that can remind you of the person from that relationship can have the power to bring you back to the past. The less you encounter such an object, person, and etc., the more easily and the more quickly you will move on. If you don’t want to destroy the things from your past, have a box, put all those things into the box, and place the box somewhere you will not find for a while. If possible, also reduce the contact with people who can remind you of your previous partner. You become a hermit to the past, so to speak. When a relationship is over, it is over. Even if you will be back with the previous partner in the future, it is a very essential that you “conclude” first; You close a chapter of this relationship, so to speak. Until you feel that you are not much disturbed by the thoughts about your previous partner, maintain this hermit mode.

Flush out intense emotions

Right after a breakup, you are full of emotions. The intensity of these emotions is very strong, so there is no other way to deal with this than just letting them out. You feel anger about him or her, you yell, punch, or do whatever that works for you. If you feel like crying, just cry. Cry until you cannot cry. Nothing can help it. Just cry until that intense energy of grievance subdues. You may feel like contacting him or her out of the pain from the void that you feel inside. But, do not do it. That will just add more work for you to do. This phase is like a storm. There is nothing else you can do except just waiting for it to end. Let those intense emotions out, be a hermit to the past relationship, and wait for this phase to end.

Release residual emotions

Now that the intense emotions have been flushed out, it’s time for you to take care of residual emotions. You think about the past relationship, you identify the emotions you feel, then you release them one by one. I recommend two methods for this process. One is Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) and the other is The Sedona Method. For some people, EFT works better, and for some people, The Sedona Method works better. Try both methods, and find for yourself which one works better for you. Whichever method you use, it is important that you pick one emotion at a time and release it until you don’t feel it anymore. For an example, let’s say you remembered what your ex-boyfriend did on your last birthday when you thought about your past relationship with him. Let’s say you feel anger about it. Identify that anger, and release it using EFT, The Sedona Method, or any method of your choice. When you don’t feel that anger even when you think about what your ex-boyfriend did on your last birthday, then you will know that you have released that specific anger, and you can now move on to release the next emotion. Think about the relationship again, identify the first emotion that occurs to you, which is usually associated with a specific event from the relationship, and again release using EFT, The Sedona Method, or any method that works for you. These emotions often exist in layers. You can reach deeper emotions only when you have taken care of the outer, surface emotions. This phase can take some time, so be patient and persistent. Moving-on will take much less time this way than the time for you to move on when you carry these emotions along with you. Often, people don’t realize that they have not moved on after years; they are still tied to the past by those emotions accumulated in the past relationship.

Have your own life

This step goes together with the above three steps. When you break up, you have a void inside. Your previous partner has been occupying a certain space inside you, now he or she is gone, and you are left with the void. Don’t try to fill it by meeting him or her again. Again, this will just add more work for you to do. Instead, fill the void with your own life. Your hobby, your job, your family, your friend, your religion, your sports… Find your own identity. Most people lose their own identity in a serious relationship. Find it again. Fill the void with your own identity. Be whole by yourself. Keep yourself busy. And, don’t lose your identity again regardless of whether you are in a relationship or not.
In summary, when you break up, immediately flushing out the intense emotions that you feel, cut the connection to the previous partner, start having back your life, keep yourself busy, and release the residual emotions. When you don’t feel much disturbed even when you become in contact with him or her, and when you can even smile at the past, then you will know that you have moved on. Then, you are ready for a new relationship, and this new relationship can have a healthy start. Depending on people, the time for moving-on varies, from weeks to months to years. If you cannot endure this moving-on period and go into another relationship before having moved on properly, you can go into the downward spiral of messy relationships. So, I strongly recommend against it.

Breaking up is painful. But, when it happens, I hope that my advice can be helpful to you.

Sincerely,
Rick

Some of you may ask, “but I don’t want to lose those emotions! I cherish them, I like them, I don’t know how to live without them, although many of them give me pain. I want even that pain part also, that’s a part of the whole precious experiences of that relationship”. Indeed, some people choose this path, then live in the past. Without having a new relationship, they can be content just with recalling the past, feeling the emotions from the past, living inside their head, for a long time. However, if you ask them, usually what you find is that they have an undercurrent of sadness deep inside.

If you want to remove this undercurrent of sadness after a breakup, and if you want to live your life fully with the sense of bliss and happiness, then follow the four steps described below, which will also be explained in detail in the next newsletters.

First, Remove everything that can remind you of the person of the past relationship. If seeing that person, seeing an object of a shared memory, or even seeing a friend of that person can bring you back to the past, then you need to stop contacting them. At least until you have completely moved on. Often, it’s not possible to do this. Do your best to reduce this kind of contact as much as possible.

Secondly, right after a breakup, it is natural that you feel enormous pain, sadness, anger, and etc. in this phase, it is very important that you release those emotions by expressing them. You cry, you yell, you punch, you just do whatever you can do to express those emotions, without hurting yourself. This is the phase of grieving over the past relationship.

Thirdly, when this initial phase of emotional flush has finished, now is the time for you to take out each emotion still residing inside you related to your past relationship, and release it. Any method that works for you is fine. There are two methods that I recommend for this process, which are Emotional Freedom Technique and The Sedona Method.

Lastly, you need to have your own life.

That’s it. If you follow these steps, you can move on from any relationship. The matter is how long it will take for you, but you can move on from ANY relationship.

I will explain each step in detail in the next newsletters, so please stay tuned. Until then, follow this simple rule of happiness – if you feel good after having done something, then do it again, and if you feel bad after having done something, then don’t do it again. See for yourself how this simple rule can change your life.

Best wishes,
Rick

PS. If you have any questions, please send me an e-mail to rick@spiritualloveadvice.com. I’ll answer those questions in my newsletters as much as I can.

(c) 2009 Spiritual Love Advice
The information contained in this newsletter is for entertainment purposes only. No legal nor medical advice is intended. Use it at your own discretion.

We meet a person, fall in love, and somehow things don’t work, and we part. Now, that person is gone, but anger, sadness, regret, and all other emotions are still inside you, trapping you in the past. When you’re stuck in the past this much, you cannot move on to the future. Now, “how can I shed off the past and move on to the future?“, you may ask.

Being locked up in the emotions are actually closely related to your being tied to the karma from your past relationship.

The foremost task of shedding off the past relationship and moving on to the future is to be free from the emotions from the experiences of that relationship. The relationship is now over, but those emotions, anger, sadness, happiness, and etc., are still inside you. They give you pain and pleasure. You constantly try to suppress the pain part, because you don’t like to feel it. You constantly try to recall happy moments from that relationship, because they give you pleasure. Those emotions from the past are driving you to live the past experiences again and again inside your head. In this situation, you may say you want to move on, but you are actually not wanting to move on. For you to be able to move on and to surface to the present life, you need to let go of those emotions from the past. You need to release them.

Do you remember something like this? You really liked a person. But then, somehow your interest faded away. Then, even when you were in front of that person, you were not feeling anything much. You were neutral. You found that your peace of mind was not disturbed at all by the presence of that person. Sure, you could recall how you felt in the past about that person and temporarily feel those emotions when you concentrated, but those memories from the past were now just like dim scenes of a movie being played inside your head. They didn’t have the power to grab you and drive you to behave in a certain way… This is the state of having moved on.

Please stay tuned for my next newsletters for my four steps of moving on that you can apply to your life right after having read them.

Best wishes,
Rick

PS. If you have any questions, please send me an e-mail to rick@spiritualloveadvice.com. I’ll answer those questions in my newsletters as much as I can.

(c) 2009 Spiritual Love Advice
The information contained in this newsletter is for entertainment purposes only. No legal nor medical advice is intended. Use it at your own discretion.

Love spells do exist. However, there is a price for them. And, the price is karma. You see, casting a love spell on someone to make that person love you is like forcing him or her to love you. Do you remember the word “spellbound”? When a person is spellbound, that person loses his or her own will – that person becomes like a zombie. He or she didn’t love you, you cast a spell, and now that person begins to like you. However, just like everything in the material world, nothing is free in the spiritual world. When you make someone do something against their own free will, you also are going to experience a similar situation later, but this time as a receiver. Yes, there are ways to avoid this outcome, but this will require another enormous amount of work from you. Why do you want to make things this much complicated and difficult in the first place?

Also, will this “love” by a love spell bring true happiness, a fulfilling relationship to you?

In Eastern philosophy, everything is eum and yang, minus and plus, compatibility. When you meet your perfect partner, what happens is that you complement what he lacks and he complements what you lack. That way, you two harmonize, so that both of you can lead fulfilling lives together. A truly fulfilling relationship is based on a truly compatible match between a man and a woman. Between two people of this good match, love spells are not needed in the first place.

Let’s suppose that you liked someone so much that you wanted to make that person love you by using a spell. Suppose that you succeeded. That person would love you so much that he would be almost obsessed with you. Now, suppose that you found that he has certain qualities that bother you beyond your tolerance. What you thought of as a love spell would now have become a haunting spell. Do you really want this? This is a very common situation.

Although the details can be different, the common thing is that that spellbound person will try to stick to you even when you want to break up. Then, those who sought a love spell in the past will ask for a break-up spell.

If you feel that you really need a love spell to make someone love you, what it really means is that you should move on. This way, you will have a much more fulfilling love life, with much less hassle. That is why I don’t cast love spells.

Best wishes,
Rick

(c) 2009 Spiritual Love Advice
The information contained in this newsletter is for entertainment purposes only. No legal nor medical advice is intended. Use it at your own discretion.